The Last Days of 2023

“I find introverts weird,” random guy at the beach resort in accra said uninvitedly, in the midst of chatting me up (also uninvitedly). “But you don’t look like an introvert,” he opines further, as if to mitigate the starkness of his prior statement. 

None of this aspect of our exchange mattered. Most important to me was how I admitted (for the first time) my personality. I spoke about it briefly here. It was the first time that i was proud to state this. I don’t feel the need to constantly be seen. I adopted a quite outward personality in my late 20’s, and that didnt serve me well in the long run given the disconnect between how much I shared content online yet failed to follow through in the actual engaging with others part of social media (I keep harping about this because this stint taught me so much about myself and for that I am grateful). 

I don’t necessarily feel the need to extert myself or make my presence known. My presence always speaks for itself. 

That is exemplified with the way I spent the night before new years eve (it was so perfect that I wish this was my new years eve). I had gone to a restaurant on my jays (my new favorite phrase)  called Bella Afrik. It was a nice way to wind down the night given how I had spent the day - ok actually it was quite the chilled day through and through: I had gone to brunch earlier in the day, then went home and took a nap (woke up by 7pm). I wanted to end the night on a sweet note, so I went to this restaurant after not being let in to No. 19 (they were having a private event). I found a seat at the bar next to two ladies that I ended up befriending. We chatted  over food and drinks and shimmied our hips to the afrobeats playing pleasantly loud in the background - it was the holidays after all: good feels all around. we decided we didn’t want to end the night there. After trying Bloom Bar + another bar to no avail, we ended up at a more local spot, The Woods. 

I was so happy about the ambience at The Woods that I exclaimed this exactly upon entering. It was not packed, people were in their respective spaces just lounging and we did the same. We enjoyed the night, laughed, smoked, ate, and enjoyed one another’s company into the wee hours of the night. 

(post- edit commentary: I had lunch with friends on January 7th in Dallas, TX that said they also went to The Woods a different night, so now that location has lost its low key allure for me. Motivation to find a new spot next time I go to Accra, then.) 

That was how I spent the night before new years eve. Now fast forward to the next night that I was on the beach in conversation with this guy. I was in the middle of writing out my reflection on 2023, so focused that anyone that disturbed me was met with my “written all over her face annoyed” look. That didn’t stop him from engaging in conversation with me. “Working on a  holiday?” “No, just writing out my reflection of this year and goals for the next” “Oh…*proceeds to ask further probing questions*”. 

After he leaves, I finish my frozen drink as I close out my reflection and goal writing session, pray a bit, then by 8 pm I am on my way home to change for dinner. I eat dinner at Shogun, a Japanese restaurant, on my jays. My last meal of 2023 was two slightly underwhelming sushi rolls and a nice cocktail. By 10 pm I am in bed, ready to sleep into the new year with my alarm of such transition being the fireworks that start to strike so effortlessly and in tandem by midnight. 

Happy new year. 

Funmi Oke

Thoughts on Traveling through Africa

Around July/August 2023, I decided I would spend December 2023 traveling through Africa, or in more concrete terms, to four different African countries, all in different regions (two in the same).

I have been actively doing bucket list travel since 2018. I thought I wanted to be a travel blogger, Instagram worthy pictures and trendy, informational content and all. That venture taught me more about myself than any other venture I had undertaken since that point, specifically that I am not “social enough” to naturally and successfully be a travel blogger, nor is the desire enough for me to learn how adopt this personality. This explanation was a long and short way to excitedly share that my new outlet for capturing and documenting my travel will be through my self-titled website, funmioke.com (a very low stakes, yet fulfilling way for me to still document my travel to an interested  audience, without the fanfare).

Since 2017, I have travelled to 30 countries (now 32), but never really through Africa. When I was making plans for the holidays, I already knew I wanted to be in warmer climates, i.e home for me, Nigeria. I also knew, based on experience, that I would have no issue if I were to travel to a few countries in Africa before heading to Nigeria. This is what brought about the desire then research I did to commit to traveling to Kenya, then South Africa, then Nigeria, and finally Ghana.

I am in Nigeria writing this on the tail end of my trip, so as you can see, we did it. I am first and foremost grateful to God for journey mercies. As a solo traveler, female at that, it says much about my bold spirit (and maybe organizational skills) to navigate and handle all the logistics of connecting through four countries in a less commonly “explored” continent. 

I will not lie, getting closer to my December 4 departure date, my adventure was finally dawning on me, and the nerves were setting in (to the point where I was fervently praying for journey mercies as I was showering hours before my trip). You know how you set out to do something unconventional, but don’t realize the magnitude till it reaches the time? That’s always me. 

Anyway, sitting here reminiscing now on the past three adventure-filled weeks, and I smile. I had such a great time, and am grateful for safe landings so far, especially given how I was at some point sandwiched between a babe carrying my luggage and a motorcyclist riding at 3:45am in Mombasa, Kenya frantically trying to get to a train terminal (definitely a story for another day). 

Here’s to more wild rides, and equally more safe landings, God willing. 

p.s. - you need a yellow card if you’re traveling between African countries + always be mindful of visa rules. 

Funmi Oke

Values +

Borrowing from the wise words of one of the greatest philosophers of our time, Kanye West, “everything I’m not makes me everything I am”. 

I learned the hard but needed lesson last year that I need to clearly define my values & stick to them. Don’t get me wrong, I have always been value-driven (wouldn’t be where I am today if I was not). The only difference is my lack of clearly stating them so as to stick to them when most needed. 

One thing I love about me is my ability to try things out and rule it out if it doesn’t work out, knowing that it directs/pivots/reroutes me further to defining exactly who I am(hence the above-mentioned quote).

So, here I am explicitly stating my values:

• I value family. 
• I value service. 
• I value critical thinking. 
• I value thought-driven spending.
• I value a well-rounded lifestyle.
• I value fitness & holistic living
• I value lighthearted fun
• I value kindness
• I value discipline 
• I value cleanliness
• I value peace of mind
• I value curiosity 
• I value hard work/a solid work ethic

What are your values? 

Funmi Oke

10 Guidelines for 2024

 I wanted to supplement my “goals” for the year with some guidelines for myself. Those are a bit easier for me to adhere to, given that I am quite rule-driven. 

Here goes. I’m also avoiding fluff and cute bow tie content and getting down and dirty this year (iykyk). 2025 will be the year of fluff after all this hard work. 

10 guidelines for 2024. 

1. Stay away from people who are insistent about misunderstanding you

2. Pray without ceasing 

3. People get what they need. The things I don’t  need but rather desire, at the right time, with the right person, and at the right place, it will happen. Just focus on aligning these three things for yourself. Find your feet first, funmi, and the rest will flow. 

4. Never think for once that you’re undeserving of good things. You deserve it + they will come. 

5. Hyper focus on those that inspire you + disengage from those that don’t. Tailor your social media use to your vision

(i enjoy just chilling, not taking life too seriously, no strong face enjoying time with friends planning hang outs + rolling into partnership from there) 

6. Keep things to yourself no matter how painful. you genuinely don’t know how much others care to hear your thoughts 

7. Desist from the struggle friend persona. You are not a struggle friend. Everything you desire you receive. If you don’t receive it, it was not meant for you. 

8. Take more pictures. You’re beautiful. 

9. If it’s not exactly what you want don’t go for it unless you have no other choice. Most times, you have a choice. 

10. Be patient + master the art of timing (remember the B.E.) 

Bonus: 

11. stay away from weird people.

12. Never let anyone tell you who you are and are not. You define that for yourself and it’s subject to change based on you.

Funmi Oke

Intentional Repetiton

 

While in law school, a friend of mine had Burna Boy’s “Dangote” bursting from his car speakers every time we would meet up. It happened frequently enough for me to eventually ask him if this was his favorite song at that point in time, to which his response was “I play it daily, as motivation for me to get to where I need to be” (or something along those lines, because law school was a blur, but that interaction stuck).

 Just like his intentional repetition of this song, so is the power of habits in other ramifications of our lives. Not to oversimplify one of the best books I have read in the past few years, James Clear’s “Atomic Habits” speaks to such a power and provides strategies for effective implementation (i.e. – if you want to drink more water, placing a water jug by your bedside allows for easier access to implement this habit, than say, your water just always being in the fridge). My biggest buy in to habit implementation, if you will, is seeing how helpful it has been to accomplish a goal or just my general wellness. From the daily habit of studying that helped me pass the bar exam, to shaving daily to the point where my morning routine feels incomplete without it. Habits help.

Not all habits are easy to implement at the start. I can’t remember how often I studied inconsistently at the start of preparing for the bar exam until I built a steady pattern, repeated environment, coffee shop, book store, and all, but there was a clear difference in routine from the beginning to the end. Even with my daily shaving, purchasing a surplus of sticks was a game changer in implementing that habit, because I knew that I wasn’t running out of it any time soon. I have felt and seen a marked improvement in my cleanliness since implementing this habit.

Now, to developing a habit of writing. I want to become a better writer by the end of 2024. Before, I was quite lackadaisical about this practice. Since society’s sharp turn to visual content at the start of 2013, I felt as if there was no point since my writing won’t be consumed as much as visuals. It was only recently that I approached writing with a different mindset, simply that, just like any other hobby, my own interest in writing is enough for me to keep engaging, eyes on it or not. Writing will be one of the practices I intend to repeat consistently in the coming year. I enjoyed it as part of my travel blog, so I am sure transitioning to creative/general writing will not be so grudging.

 

Here are a few other intentions for the new year – I plan to flesh out the details in my personal journal:

·        Joining a community in my home base in the U.S.

·        Read more and complete my reading list for the year – becoming a better wordsmith along the way. I reckon the more I read, the more it will help improve my writing skills

·        Take on more clients with Oke Legal Group + provide informational immigration content

·        Organize various areas of my life - e.g. actually go through all travel folders and place them in their respective folders, and approach my folders at work with the same organizational approach

·        Use social media less and find things that bring more fulfillment to fill my time with

·        I would include the “you know what” here, but I want to trust God utterly and completely in this regard in the coming year that when the time is right, it will happen. For now, I enjoy the things I enjoy and build engaging projects along the way. To be honest, I find that when I am enjoying my projects, hobbies, and routine, I am concerned way less about that thing.

Here’s to our intentional repetitions. May they carry us where we want or need to be.

 

Funmi Oke

 

 

 

 

An Immaculate Prayer

It’s 7:44pm in Lagos, Nigeria. As I was leaving one of my close friends’ place to enter my Bolt, she noticed a full moon. She quickly pointed it out and told me to state my hearts’ desires. This then segued into an intense moment of prayer on both sides, and I felt the presence of God as she interceded on my behalf. Just me and her, with baby in hand, and God in our midst. 

I am grateful for this moment, and to a larger extent, this season. Without sounding trite, I know God aligned these moments perfectly. That in turn speaks to the way in which He is aligning my future. I thus shouldn’t fear, but should rather completely trust Him. Trust His plans for my life and know that He has far greater in store for me than I can imagine. 

It’s now 7:54 pm. As I sit in this standstill traffic on the way to Lekki, I have nothing but gratitude in my heart and hope for the future.

p.s. - Henceforth, I intend to edit all my posts before posting. 

-Funmi Oke 

catch dynamic flights.

 One of the reasons why I enjoy international flights is because of the interesting people I get to meet. It’s almost as if it’s the default now to meet interesting people if you book an international flight (n.B. this has been my experience mostly for travel outside of North America). It is also a lovely precursor to what should be a meeting of interesting people in the destination country.

Here are the people I met on my Egypt Air flight:

An older Nigerian Igbo couple basically didn’t leave my side at the boarding gate when they realized I was Nigerian (how they realized this, I am still not too sure). Once we got to the layover city, they asked if I was going to Abuja. I informed them no that my destination is Nairobi and wished them a safe travel onward.

Myself and a babe from New Dehli, India started getting to talk whilst looking for the immigration counter at the layover city. Apparently she was returning home for good after her inability to find work in her dream career of theater acting. I wanted to give her a hug.

The guy I sat next to on the flight insisted he is from Paris. Upon a few more “where are you really from”s he shared that he is of Mali origin. We spoke about different topics ranging from the pandemic, to body image, to the coup amongst other things.

An elderly man that only spoke only Arabic was meant to return to a specific counter and so another man was using his best English to try to explain this. Soon as someone pointed out he speaks only Arabic, that same man switched to Arabic to explain. The elderly man still didn’t follow the directions.

I enjoyed this aspect of travel and appreciate the interesting people I meet along my way. 

Funmi Oke