Doro.

Ok, so this post was meant to be written last night, but sleep.

So, excuse me as I try my best to  recollect my thoughts from yesterday.....today's thought's may creep in here and there, but it's totally excusable because I am  my brain is susceptible to recurring thoughts. 

Let me first explain the title of this post, then work my way deeper into the more serious parts of  my thoughts. So 'doro', as you all know or don't know, is from the song that has been rocking the airwaves as of late (in Nigeria, it goes without saying). & I love it, tbh. Not even low-key, like the man dem can catch me getting down to it once the beat drops - is how much I love it. Besides the point, a little. You see, I am never a fan of songs that have no meaning, and this song is the definition of NO meaning. Absolutely NO MEANING whatsoever. Walk up to your average Lagosian (& diaspora -Nigerian jamming to this song at their favorite persons' graduation party/wedding reception/birthday party/ pre-game turnip/ club not sure if it's yet on the DJ's mix.DJ Olu definitely doesnt have it. Well he might have it now, lol. and ask them what "doro" means, talk less of "dorobucci". It's banter. Bants. All bants, man. & before I am judged to be taking this song way serous than it actually is,  E jooo e calm down. I'm just observing and stating my observations. Any way, so I like this song yea, and basically I subconciously found a meaning for it for myself, so that I can feel better about dorojamming to this dorosong: 

Doro  apparently means "container". I think it's a Yoruba word, aha, now that I think about it: "Funmi, lo mu doro yen wa." Yep, that sounds about right. So 'doro' means container. Got that part. I was thinking about how much I cannot be fit into a box. I am a international affairs loving, word enthusiast that loves to dance, work out, and dance. & first and foremost by default I love Jesus with all my heart, soul, and being. Basically, the way I've been thinking before I came to the realization that I will soon explain, is that my aspirations to be on the forefront of international affairs somehow, and my love for dance/the arts clash. For me, it's always been a choose one of the other  which caused me to end up closing neither at all (this is a common trend for me when it comes to decision making --- if I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, I end up literally  staying put for a while (when i say literally, I mean it), instead of efficiently thinking of the best decision to make at that point in time. On the macro level,  such has really negatively affected me when it came to owning my shit, as the LeasderShape lead facilitator wisely stated. I felt like I could not be good at both, so not being good at both to me meant not being good at either, and of course other external elements factored into my lack of shit owning, but we definitely don't want to get into that tonight, so as to avoid "complaining". 

So as I was thinking about "not wanting to be fit into a box", I realized also, that "hey! just because there's no one in the world I know of yet that has effectively balanced both passions, doesn't mean that it can't be done! I can set that precedent! Be the president!!" So in the spirit of feeling empowered,  I thought, bro, you can't contain me. Which automatically got me thinking about the song by Omawumi- Warn Yourself. Then I was like. contain. container. Doro. & boom. the song now has a tangible personal meaning to me. 

So moving on, it light of such an empowering realization,  I understand that it's going to take a lot of work on my part to own both my shits, while at the same time preserving my Christian sanity. I definitely am forced to work twice as hard, being that I want to master both arts. I realize that patience is also key - that there are many subgoals I need to attain in order to move one step closer in even thinking about attaining that those ultimate goals (one of them is learning french. The other is being more confident in myself). At the end of the day, it's all going to go for His glory, and not mine, and I hope to inspire a few more hearts than normal along the way. So two things that I need to keep in my back pocket along this journey new chapter, are: 

Discipline 

      Let my 'yes be yes', and 'no be no'. Doing what I say I will do, and not doing what I say I won't do. Believing in myself enough to follow through with everything. No Matter what. Set time for everything. Prayer. Every time I see/think of this word, I envision a soldier waking up from his or her bed, already in army fatigue, and making their bed before leaving their room for their duties. I honestly think of the soldier thing because pops thought it would be best for me to join the military because I lack discipline. Doing that, I feel would've put me in the same predicament as Elsa when her parents locked her away in the tower ('Frozen' reference). Ok maybe not. It actually might've been a good solution, and what we are saying now would not be what we are saying (loosely translated from Yoruba), but God know's best. I felt like if I was meant to go to North Georgia College and State, then my heart wouldn't have tugged at UGA so hard. the heart wants what the heart wants. I just pray that my head is able to follow its lead and help it make the most rational decisions wherever it's led. Wow. I just went slightly off topic. 

Consistency 

doing disciplined stuff thoroughly every single time. 

I honestly pray that God should help me in all of this, because aside from Him, nothing is possible. Help me to redirect my mind, thought process etc. Reexamine the reason I am doing things. I don't want to do things just to prove a point. I don't want a "I told y'all niggas" caption :/. I honestly want to do something because I am passionate about it. This is where tunnel vision/hearing comes in. If I constantly am looking at others successes for the wrong reasons - to envy, wish I was them - rather than look at my own two feet and figure out the next best step to take (literally, sometimes), then there is no way I will be able to move nor know what exactly I am good at, or what I need to be contributing to the world. So as I end this post, I say stop. wait a minute. I know you like some sugar in it. But the jedi jedi wey go catch you, e no go finish. Baby, make we relate, you no go dey wait. As you dey waka ---Ok I'm not writing out all the lyrics...skipping the irrelevant parts, video will be down below---  I may be liking the way you're liking me, digging the way, you're digging me.....

you no go fit to  contain me.

"You can't build denominations at a card table"
"Doromega. Dorosuper. Dorostar. | Doromegasuperstar o."

-Listened to BBC News today! Great app. 

-Found out about AfricaAtlanta!  I'm so excited to see Half of a Yellow Sun, with my UK baes. Everyone check it out. 

- read a French for beginner's book - chercher (to look for). Waaa.. that's low-key all I remember. It's about to be a long french learning  journey. But we'll make it. amen. goal: to learn french before 30. 

Be on the look out for my next post:  "Everyday for the men. One day for the women."

Aint lettin' go just yet.....

So here's the deal.

I like to blog. I haven't figured out the next best blog to make, so until then, I think I'm sticking with this one. I "aint lettin' go just yet"[stated in true Black argot].


I currently am in the inchoate stage of preparation for my next stage in my academic career [moving to the UK & Germany for two years, as a result of my acceptance into a double Masters program - International Politics and Governance] and life in general and the most apt adjectives that describe my feelings right now are:

Worried.
           money. is this the best next step?. Am I making the right decision?. IS this school even legit? The future. What happens next - I have failed to think long-term in the past, so it's high time I start doing so. am I doing things on time?. Am I doing things correctly? I am missing opportunities? Where do I search? Trying to dot my 'i's and cross my 't's as best as I can. But is it working? still at this point bandying about with the various loans officers at Aston...getting nowhere this point.

"as the birds don't worry where the get their food, and God provides for them, why won't he provide for me?"  [read: Matthew 6: 25-34]


Anxious.
Will this program matriculation yield success? Will I be outstanding, living up to my full potential -something I failed to do over the past 4 years? Will I even get to go to England + Germany? Will I find the best housing, and when I say best I mean affordable, secure, comfortable (I am now a product of UGA Housing, haha)- I also need to be very much on my toes when it comes to the housing search, looking askance at every option, making sure it is the real deal. Will I make the best decisions in this planning process? - Basically all my apprehensions in the "worried" part.


Frustrated.
Money. Visa application process. Money. Transitioning. Scholarship application. Finding money. Money. Money. Money.



Surreal.
Bruh. I'm moving to England + Germany for two years [read: indefinitely if I play my cards right + if Oluwa is involved]


I am still in the phase of living up to my true, authentic perennial  self, and I do fully believe that this opportunity is moving me one step further in doing so, and thus I am basically all for this movement, trying to get to England by any means necessary. I recently watched Beautiful x Mali Music [both the regular & acoustic version, haha] & it did nothing but inspire me in finding my beautiful self, physically, personality wise, emotionally etc.

So I shall be using these blogs as an avenue for such, and I honestly can't wait to see the results.


Here's to the cogent beginning of the best day's of my life.


Bolaxbijou.